COOK OFF!

 We've* noticed the rise of television cooking competitions and the influence these have on the general populace. Even the old bloggers in this community pepper (see what I did there?) their posts with mention of meals they have made or are about to. Robert the inconvenient sinner is the champignon, sorry, champion here.

We* thought it opportune to have a little cooking competition amongst the primary bloggers - Richard of Richard's Bass Bag, Robert the inconvenient sinner and moi representing The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ.

Robert was charged with the responsibility of finding a suitable venue and ensuring attendance by a non-partisan public to taste and rate the dishes.

Here's how the competition works:

The contestants have each chosen a dish that shows what type of food they prefer and to demonstrate their culinary proficiency. Before unveiling (or unwrapping) their chosen dish a short interview with them will be conducted by an independent food critic and religious person (they are honest aren't they?) Pastor Usebydate.

Pastor Usebydate: First up we have Richard of Richard's Bass Bag. Hello Richard.

Richard of RBB: Hello Pastor You're pleased to be here.

Pastor Usebydate: Mmmm ..... right. Are you a pescatarian by any chance?

Richard of RBB: No, I'm a pissartist. Why do you ask?

Pastor Usebydate: It's just that you reference a fish in your blog title ......

Richard of RBB: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Pastor Usebydate: Ha ha ha ha ha ha .... I thought you'd like that. We religious people like to have a laugh.

Richard of RBB: (sotto voce) Yes at everyone's expense.

Pastor Usebydate: What's that son?

Richard of RBB: I said "I must repent"

Pastor Usebydate: Yes, well, there's still time. Tell us something about your meal choice today?

Richard of RBB: My inspiration comes from a dish I developed on my first OE ...

Pastor Usebydate: OE?

Richard of RBB: Yes, overseas experience back in 1975 when ...

Pastor Usebydate: You went overseas in 1975?

Richard of RBB: Er .... well, I went to Christchurch and had to go by ferry. Anyway, while there I invented a dish that even The Curmudgeon liked when he visited.

Pastor Usebydate: The Curmudgeon visited you?

Richard of RBB: Well yes. He was really in Christchurch to buy wine and stayed with Tony and Jan but I guess he got hungry and kind of hung around my place during the day.

Pastor Usebydate: Aha! But didn't you have a female friend staying at that time who was quite attractive?

Richard of RBB: Yes, that was .... hey! Are you suggesting that The Curmudgeon wasn't calling around just for my food and company?

Pastor Usebydate: Well, not your company anyway. So, you invented a dish?

Richard of RBB: (sulking) Whatever.

Pastor Usebydate: Okeedokee ..... we'll look forward to that dish being unveiled later. Good luck Richard of Richard's Bass Bag.

***************

Pastor Usebydate: Next up we have Robert the inconvenient sinner who ..... Robert, why do you go by the name Robert the inconvenient sinner?

Robert the inconvenient sinner: I don't.

Pastor Usebydate: You don't?

Pastor Usebydate: No. I call myself Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner. It's those other guys who make fun of my name and change it to other things.

Pastor Usebydate: I just think that they're being kind eh. (looking at the camera and waggling his eyebrows and softly saying 'Sheesh').

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: Whatever.

Pastor Usebydate: Okeedokee, we'd best move on. Tell me Robert ... the whatever, what inspired your dish creation today?

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: Jesus.

Pastor Usebydate: Jesus?

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: Yes Jesus. I like Jesus. I like to eat Jesus. I like ....

Pastor Usebydate: Yes, that'll be enough of that thank you. We're talking about your culinary inspiration today.

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: Huh. My colono .... sorry, no, those are gravy stains.

Pastor Usebydate: Huh? Oh, I see (and cannot unsee). Whatcha cooking today Rob?

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: Ah. Well, you know that I like to cook right? I like to cook left as well ......

Pastor Usebydate: ..............

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: ...... that was a little joke.

Pastor Usebydate: Was it? Well, put it away and tell us about your dish.

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: (embarrassed) Umm, I like to cook vegetarian dishes with a twist.

Pastor Usebydate: A twist?

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: Yes, a twist. I like to use meat ....

Pastor Usebydate: .... In your vegetarian dishes?

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: Yes. Anything with two or four feet - pork, beef, lamb, mutton, chicken, - Duck!

Pastor Usebydate: Duck?

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: Yes ... DUCK!  My bird just got out of the cage. Have you seen a cockatoo Pastor?

Pastor Usebydate: Hey! What are you implying I .... oh, I see. No.

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: Well I'd better clean up the mess that bird made.

Pastor Usebydate: OK Robert. Good luck with the competition.

***********************

Pastor Usebydate: Well that was interesting.** We've just got time to talk to The Food Curmudgeon who is representing The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ. Welcome The Food Curmudgeon.

The Food Curmudgeon: Hi Pastor. Do you find that title confusing given your position as food critic?

Pastor Usebydate: Huh?

The Food Curmudgeon: Never mind.

Pastor Usebydate: (glowering) What inspired you with your selection today?

The Food Curmudgeon: Well, lots of things really. I love food, all types of food. I love Japanese food, Chinese, Italian, French, Spanish - all food. In New Zealand we've developed recipes and food ideas from around the world ....

Pastor Usebydate: OK, now we'd ....  

The Food Curmudgeon: To live a full life, you have to fill your stomach first.

Pastor Usebydate: Yes, but we'd ....

The Food Curmudgeon: Cheese is the glue that holds my life together.

Pastor Usebydate: Right. Now, moving on ....

The Food Curmudgeon: People who love to eat are always the best people.

Pastor Usebydate: Look Curmudgeon I've ....

The Food Curmudgeon: Patience is the secret to good food

Pastor Usebydate: Christ ... I mean 'Crikey'.

The Food Curmudgeon: Hunger is a good cook.

Pastor Usebydate: MOVE ALONG PLEASE!

The Food Curmudgeon: Don’t be upsetti, eat some spaghetti.

Pastor Usebydate: Sheesh!

The Food Curmudgeon: Sorry - you were saying?

Pastor Usebydate: How do you think you will fare (see what I did there?) in the competition?

The Food Curmudgeon: Not very well.

Pastor Usebydate: What? I thought you claimed that you are a good cook?

The Food Curmudgeon: I did and I am but have you seen the venue that Robert selected and have you seen his choice of voting public? They look like they haven't eaten in years.

Pastor Usebydate: Oh well. Good luck on the day

The Food Curmudgeon: (sulking) Whatever.

*********************

The Venue: Hutt Park Hotel chosen for its convenient location according to Robert.

The Judges: 40 of the Saturday lunchtime patrons.

The results: 

First Richard of Richard's Bass Bag with 27 votes.

Second Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner with 13 votes.

Third The Food Curmudgeon with no votes.

The dishes:

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: 

- Baked beans with cheese on toast.

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner:

- Mince and pasta with bacon and mushrooms, Wattie's sauce and wedges, McCains reconstituted mashed potato, rice risotto, Pam's frozen peas and corn, roast lamb, pig's trotters and beef burgers. A slice of lemon on top to give a 'Tuscan' flavour. 

The Food Curmudgeon:

 - Pear, walnut & blue cheese tart with whole truffle roast celeriac with cheese sauce & hazelnuts.

*******************

Pastor Usebydate: Now that was interesting. The people have chosen Richard's dish as the winner. Congratulations Richard. Was that a surprise to you as well.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: No, not really. As you know Richard's Bass Bag is  the original bass bagging site and so we cook meals that no one else would ever consider. Hey .... can someone open a window in here...

Pastor Usebydate: Robert - well done on second placing (that's natural I guess being your default position and even your name at one time if I recall). How do you feel about the competition?

Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner: I think I overdid it with the lemon.

Pastor Usebydate: Food Curmudgeon. You came last. What did you ...

The Food Curmudgeon: Sheesh!

Pastor Usebydate: Whatever.

* The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ




** NOT.

AN INDULGENCE

 Not one of these silly things that nearly scuppered the Catholic Church back in the sixteenth century.

The Old Girl cooked duck risotto last night.

She makes this by slow cooking duck pieces (breast, legs) in a slow-cooker. She then drains off the juices and fat and shreds the meat to mix in with risotto she makes from arborio rice. Yummy.

She uses the juices to make duck stock which we freeze and use later in soups, stews and casseroles.

We used to pour off the fat but recently she's taken to separating this and using for duck-fat chips. Duck-fat chips, if you are unfamiliar with them are a must-have delicacy in restaurants and well worth trying. Today for lunch I used some left-over cooked potatoes which I cut into small chunks and sautéed in the duck fat. I also fried an egg in the fat and had this on a thick slice of toast from the home-made wholemeal bread  that I had baked yesterday. Wowee!

I don't recommend eating like this too often as the calorie intake is whopping but as a treat, as an indulgence if you will, it's a wonder that Martin Luther doesn't come knocking at the door.

"I smell duck fat. Let me in."

A WORD FROM THE WISE(GUY)

 The other day I made a pasta sauce that was so delicious it will become my 'go to' sauce in the future.

It was from Annabel Langbein's cooking book More Taste Than Time which we've had for many years. The dish was named simply 'Pasta Siciliana'

I've never met Annabel but I did know her sister Prue at university.

As you can see the recipe is simple and the cooking time very short but the explosion of flavour from the combination of kumara, orange juice and the herbs is outstanding. The orange cuts through the otherwise heaviness of the tomato flavour.  One orange was all iI needed and I only used half of a medium sized golden kumara which was enough when cubed. I grated Colby cheese together with Parmesan for the topping. While the kumara, orange juice and pureed tomatoes were simmering I quickly sautéed some pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and pine-nuts in a pan with some orange and chilli oil. These were crunchy and added the 'wow; factor to the dish.I really recommend this as it's fresh, flavoursome and healthy and any fool can make it.

I know that Richard will like it and Robert could slaughter a pig or a lamb or something to add to it.

FISH TACOS

 That 'Food, Glorious Food' post by The Curmudgeon reminded me that I haven't written a post for a while. Mea Culpa or, as Richard might say - "il vecchio gatto annusa il sedere del cane" - or something like that.

I've obviously cooked some delicious meals over the last two months using tried and true recipes but one variation stands out.

The Old Girl likes it when I prepare tacos for dinner. These are crispy tacos heated in the oven and then filled with layers of a hot bean mix (red kidney beans fried with garlic and chillies), tomatoes, cheese, lettuce and spring onion. It is a delicious meal and leaves you feeling good afterwards.

A couple of weeks ago - a Friday, Robert - I varied this by substituting the bean mix with a fish one. I cubed some snapper into very small pieces and covered in seasoned flour. This I pan-fried quickly with diced capsicum, chilli, garlic, ginger and some Jalapenos. I proceeded to put the tacos together the same way as the bean ones but left out the cheese. The result? Fabulous. This is going on the list.

A GUT REACTION

 Years ago, in Wellington I lived for a year in a household of vegetarians which, at the time, was a novel concept having been used to 'meat and two veg' eating for years. I leant to cook without meat which serves me well today. See: HERE

I'm not a vegan or a vegetarian and don't preach to others about the benefits of healthy eating ... but ..... a good friend of ours died a few years ago, at a young age, from bowel cancer. 
Bowel cancer is the second highest cause of cancer death in New Zealand but it is treatable and beatable if detected early enough. A diet that is low in fats and animal product is advised.

So where is this going?

On Robert's blog he finishes each post with a note of what he has cooked or is about to cook for dinner. 

There is a disturbing amount of meat, including fatty meat like lamb and pork mentioned

I looked back on a month's worth of posts (most recent back to a calendar month ago) and can report here his evening meal choices.

"Lamb roast."

"As I put my hand out to receive this very special Sacrament the lady gave me two hosts! I've never received two Jesus' before. My first thought was maybe I could spit one out and take it home to Sue. Then I remembered back to when I had the job of handing out the Eucharist, I recalled the priest eating any left over hosts. I swallowed both and sat back at my pew."

"Chicken, brussel (sic) sprouts and those mushroom things."

"Fish burgers with extra fish! (Sue had oysters and didn't want all of hers)."

"Rissoles, spuds and peas."

"Lamb roast for dinner."

"Hot dogs for dinner."

Roast dinner.

"Lamb roast dinner."

"Scotch eggs and veges."

"Fish and chips."

"Chicken and veges."

"Chicken and mushroom pasta"

"Chicken and veges." Bizarrely in a pst titled 'Animals Matter'

"Lamb chop and veges."

"Sushi and flied rice."

"Chicken rissoles and indian (sic) peas and cauliflower and spuds with gravy."


I did think that he consumed more pork (not a deliberate pun although the little critters might be tasty) but that must have been in previous month's posts.

The more observant reader will note that Robert includes 'veges' in most of the meals mentioned. It's worrying though that he doesn't define which vegetables he cooks and he might be like my sister who thinks adequate vegetables intake is chips and frozen peas.

I do take my hat off to him though in his choice of sushi which he made himself I believe. I don't know what 'flied' rice is though unless it suggests that he dropped the pan when cooking it.

Balance in our eating habits is the thing. For every meat based dish we consume we should give our guts a break and eat vegetable based or vegetarian dishes for at least the next two meals.

I'M GNOCCHI-DING - THIS IS GOOD

 I like gnocchi and often order it in restaurants. The restaurant in the new Hundertwasser Art Centre  does a particularly nice spinach and ricotta one with a mushroom, pinenuts and roasted artichoke cream sauce. Yummy.

Whenever I've bought pre-made gnocchi from the supermarket I've been disappointed. I've done this because I thought that making gnocchi from scratch was complicated. I was wrong.

I found this recipe on-line and gave it a go last night.

INGREDIENTS

500 g cottage or ricotta cheese ( I used ricotta)

2 cups plain flour + extra as needed

100 g parmesan, grated

6 eggs

Small handful each parsley and basil, chopped

2 tsp sea salt

Tomatoes for topping (optional)

DIRECTIONS

Mix the gnocchi ingredients together in a big bowl to form a soft, just-sticky dough. Don’t over mix. Turn out onto a well-floured surface.
Divide dough into six portions, then roll each into a 3cm-thick log. Cut into 2cm lengths, dusting the little pillows with flour as you go.
Bring a large pot of salted water to a rolling boil. Cook gnocchi in batches, dropping handfuls of the little dumplings into the water and cooking for 4-5 minutes only (they will sink then rise to the surface), removing with a slotted spoon and transferring them directly to serving plates.
To serve, add a splash or olive oil and some chopped basil or parsley or tomatoes to the dumplings.
Serve with grated parmesan and a squeeze of lemon juice.

I cut the recipe in half using 250 gms of ricotta and only 3 eggs and this was still enough for dinner and lunch today for the two of us.

I made a sauce of lemon and fennel infused olive oil, pesto and lemon juice, mixed this through the cooked gnocchi and topped with some good Parmesan cheese. 

The result was excellent and delicious and will now become a staple dish. Once I've 'mastered' the basics of a dish I then experiment with different ingredients. I'll try using combinations of pumpkin, potato, spinach, smoked salmon,  with different herbs and sauces in future.

PLEASE SIR - I WANT SOME MORE ...

 

The trouble with going to Wellington for two weeks each month - and not just having to listen to Robert complain about the fancy-schmancy surroundings and high prices of Richard's favourite Petone pub - is that it throws my food provisioning out of whack.

No sooner do I get back home I'm planning to go back down to Wellington. As I live a wee bit away from the shops (half an hour) I tend to do supermarket shopping once a week. This means now, as I'm away for 2 weeks, I have to make sure that the fridge is empty of fresh and non-frozen items. A couple of days before I leave there is often nothing enticing to eat so last night I bought a Hawaiian burger at the local takeaway place. Boy was this a disappointment. The fish and the chips there are great but this burger was the pits. Instead of a nice home-made burger patty like I'm used to (The Old Girl makes a fantastic lamb burger) this one had a thin, flat, processed patty that had no flavour and was like chewing putty. Crap! I won't be buying another of these.

I've cobbled together breakfast and lunch ( weetbix and a toasted potato hash brown) which was boring as I haven't baked a fresh loaf of bread and have no eggs. I think I'll play some golf this afternoon so will dive into the 4 Square on the way back to buy something interesting for dinner.